Your face is a jimmy john
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
