Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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