News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize