You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
