Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
