He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
