You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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