the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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