it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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