he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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