If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
