We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
