My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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