My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
