she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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