so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
