Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need to align my fucking chakras
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
