dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
