My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
