Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
