No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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