He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
