and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
