Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
