I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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