ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize