Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
