he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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