I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
