Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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