Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
