if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
