Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
