And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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