I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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