Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
