Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
