Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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