My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You need Xanax blowdarts
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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