Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
