This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
