walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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