I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
