the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
