If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
