maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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