SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
