I think I died a long time ago.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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