I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
