pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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