So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The best revenge is premature balding
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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