dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
