so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize