There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
