I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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