all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize