SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
