the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
