you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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