Whod you bang
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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