If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My life is pants optional.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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