Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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