I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
