Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
