I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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