BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize