why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
