Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
